I Won't Forget To Remember

Was changing my sheets on the bed over the weekend and in the rotation of sheets to put on the bed, the next set of sheets were the sheets that were on my bed when I came home from my hospital stay at MCV.

Not such a big deal you may think. However, when I was "reacquainting" myself with my house after I came home from the hospital, my friend who brought me home was getting a kick out of watching me look at all the cleaning and repairs that had been done at my house by my friends who came to "work day" at my house before I came home from the hospital. After I had walked through the downstairs, my friend said, "Go upstairs and look in your bedroom."

One of the "repairs" that was made was the removal and disposal of my "manly" bed comforter and the purchase of a new comforter and a new set of sheets. Those are the sheets that I put on my bed last night.

It made me smile to know that there were people who not only came in to do a spring cleaning, but did extra things over and beyond. Even now, several months later, I still shake my head in amazement.

There were many kind acts that were directed to me as a result of my recent history that I don't think I have to forget about. The above anecdote is just one of them.

They are a collection of kindness, compassion, teaching moments, and non-prescribed (but essential) medicine.

“Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for a kindness.” - Seneca / Roman philosopher, mid-1st century AD (www.thinkexist.com)

"I Mean When You Got Friends Like Mine"

A friend of mine, who is a cancer survivor, sent me the following suggestions in an e-mail the other day after I asked her about the anxiety phase that happens after you get the "all clear." Thought they were too good not to share.

Distraction – find something to keep your mind off your worries.

Self-talk – reassure yourself that you have done everything that the doctors have advised you of. It’s going to be okay.

Thoughts – when you have thoughts of fear, consciously tell yourself to STOP, and make yourself think of something else.

Reminders – do you have any physical reminders make your cancer experience come to mind? Get rid of them. (mine was those clothes that I can’t wear now that I’m on Tamoxafin—things that are too small. It really felt good to get rid of them!)

Conversation - Nip upsetting conversation about cancer in the bud. You know when you have this screaming from your soul, and you know that others are trying to be “nice”? Answer them politely, and change the subject.

I don’t claim to be an expert, but these are recommended tactics for being at peace after becoming a SURVIVOR! You’ll think about things less the more time lapses between your meeting with the Alien.

I think she done good. I read one of my own blog postings in which I said I talked to my doctor during the time period prior to the stem cell transplant. In that conversation, I told her I was 30 yards out and driving for a score to beat the alien.

Sometimes I forget I called a Quarterback sneak at the goal line. In this case, it's probably even OK to run up the score.

This May Seem Late In Coming

I'll admit, I'm more of a "gut feeling" kind of guy. Haven't kept track over the years, but I'm sure it gets me in trouble more often than not. I have made decisions since October 2008 that relied on my trust of various doctors and nurses. They and I have called it right.

Below, is more information than I have shared about stem cell transplants in the past. I didn't process all of this information before I had the transplant. However, I would have made the same decision if I had processed it.

I spoke to a Specialty Case Manager at my insurance company the other day and reviewed this information with her. She told me I was correct in my perception of it but she verified that the allogenic transplant was, as she called it, "Messy." She then said, "Greg, don't be letting it occupy your mind right now. Enjoy the day you are in. That's why you made the decision you did."

Autologous stem cell transplant: This kind of transplant is mainly used to treat lymphomas and multiple myeloma, although it is sometimes used for other cancers. In this type of transplant, you are your own donor, using stem cells from either your bone marrow or circulating blood. Your stem cells are removed before treatment through a process called harvesting, and then frozen. After you have received high doses of chemotherapy, radiation, or both, the stem cells are thawed and given back to you.

An advantage of autologous stem cell transplant is that you are getting your own cells back, so there is no risk that your immune system will reject the transplant or that the transplanted cells will attack your own body.

A possible disadvantage (I was letting this part get to me) is that cancer cells may be harvested along with the stem cells and then reinfused back into the body. Doctors sometimes treat the cells first with anticancer drugs or other therapies to reduce the number of cancerous cells that may be present. This is called purging.

Allogeneic stem cell transplant: This type of transplant is commonly used to treat leukemias and other bone marrow disorders. Here, the stem cells come not from the patient, but from a donor whose tissue type best matches the patient. The donor is most often a family member, usually a brother or sister, but if you do not have a good match in the family, one can often be found from the general public through a national registry. A newer source of stem cells is blood taken from the placenta and umbilical cord of newborns. This blood contains a relatively high number of stem cells. Still, the numbers are often too low for adults, so this source of stem cells is used mostly in children.

An advantage of allogeneic stem cell transplant is that the donor stem cells produce their own immune cells, which may help destroy any cancer cells that remain after high-dose treatment. Another possible advantage is that the donor can often be recalled if needed to donate more stem cells. Stem cells from healthy donors are also free of cancer cells.

But there are several possible drawbacks to allogeneic stem cell transplant as well. The transplant, also known as a graft, may not "take" – that is, the donor cells may be more likely to die or be destroyed by the patient’s immune system before settling in the bone marrow. Another possibility is that the donor cells will create new immune cells that attack the recipient’s body – a condition known as graft-versus-host disease. There is also a very small risk of certain infections from the donor cells (although donors are always tested beforehand to minimize this risk).

Source: American Cancer Society website

To summarize: Autologous transplant = higher risk of relapse. Allogenic transplant = less chance of relapse, but harder time getting "rebooted" due to the graft vs. host possibility.

I'm not sure of the relapse odds statistics, but I do know that the autologous transplant is the preferred option. In addition, it's not a "let's take a chance" and hope there are no cancer cells in the stem cells that are extracted from your body. That's the purpose of the bone marrow biopsy that I had in May - to examine it and look for cancerous cell activity. I was clean.

One moves on.

The Script

This is a preview for you of the script I will be recording for Virgina Blood Services.
Thought I would share it with you.

Hi, this is Greg Frazee. I’m calling to say thank you to the person in your house who recently gave blood with Virginia Blood Services. Like yourself, I was a regular whole blood and platelet donor. I considered my donations as my contribution to the fight against cancer as my platelets were often directly matched to a cancer patient. In October 2008, I was diagnosed with stage 4 Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. During my year long treatment, I often received whole blood, platelets, and plasma donations. As a result of my cancer diagnosis, I regret that I will never be able to donate blood products again, but I would like to encourage you to spread the message to those who can donate. Currently, I am in complete remission and am grateful for donors like yourself that continue to donate. I sincerely thank you for your gift.

Another thing I want to share. In church today the pastor, who was assisting the Senior Pastor with the service, offered up these words in prayer.

"Help us to know that no tragedy is a sign of you administering justice."

Amen.

Brothers And Sisters

"Something happened a long time ago in Haiti and people might not want to talk about," Robertson said Tuesday on his 700 Club show. "They were under the heel of the French, you know Napoleon the third and whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said 'We will serve you if you will get us free from the prince.' True story. And so the devil said, 'Ok it's a deal.' And they kicked the French out. The Haitians revolted and got something themselves free. But ever since they have been cursed by one thing after another." - source : David Waters of The Washington Post

So......how does Pat Robertson have first hand knowledge of the devil's communications?

The Previous Day Is Under Review

Here's the thing.

There wasn't a bone marrow biopsy yesterday. My mistake. There will be one soon, but not yesterday.

Still met with the Nurse Practitioner and told her to prepare herself for when it does happen. She had the nerve to tell me, "You are one of the more unique patients we have." She did some diplomacy and said, "We enjoy your visits." Sure.

There was blood work yesterday and for the first time in ages, pretty much all of the blood parts they monitor were normal. Platelets are still below normal, but the Nurse Practitioner said they are the last things to bounce back. However, they are at a level that is considered "normal" at this point in the process. She said my blood work results were a strong indication that my stem cells did come back and do their job.

Yesterday was also potentially my last infusion of anything...ever. They have a bell that they ring in the clinic when someone has their last infusion. I declined it. They understood. I'm not a "bell ringing" kind of guy. They did it for someone else yesterday and we all applauded for them.

See you around...just not as often. I got stuff to tell you. Stuff I've read and heard about treatments/stem cell research, etc. I'll pass it on at least on a weekly basis.

Tomatoes

Fresh ones. I miss them. They'll be back in a few months.

Also, a clever title to get you to read today's post.

Wanted to share this with you from cancer.net

"The one-year relative survival rate (the percentage of people who survive at least one year after the cancer is detected, excluding those who die from other diseases) of people with NHL is 80%. The five-year and 10-year relative survival rates are 65% and 54%, respectively."

I'm sharing this not to ask you for a pity party. Rather, it's to tell you not to be misled by these kind of statistics that you may come across. You see, the 5 year statistic only applies to someone who was diagnosed 5/10 years ago. In addition, the statistics quoted are from 2008. Get it?

With advances in treatment since in the last five years, the five-year survival rates are most likely trending upward. I have confirmed it with the cancer professionals with whom I've discussed it.

I'm just sayin.

Now...on to the bone marrow biopsy and IVIG appt. in a few hours.

If the Nurse Practitioner doesn't laugh today, I'm going to have to let her go.

Bookends And What To Do

Was thinking the other night about what to do about the blog. There really isn't anything to tell you about my process until the next set of scans or I come up with something witty.

Then...yesterday, I "met" two people on-line via a Leukemia and Lymphoma Society connection I have established through LinkedIn. One of the individuals is starting her first round of chemo (this is her blog) on Friday and the other individual has been treated for reoccurring lymphoma for 9 years. We shared some knowledge gained from our experience.

It felt good to share the information. I haven't been to any in-person support groups since I was diagnosed, and I most likely will not. I have an aversion to them that is my own personal opinion and I ask that you respect that, as I will respect anyone who can be helped by attending a support group. I'm more of a "one on one" kind of guy about that stuff. That's all I got to say about that.

In the spirit of sharing information, I will pass this link on to you. It's from cancer.net which is "Oncologist-approved cancer information from the American Society of Clinical Oncology." Knowing what I know now, it's also information that is approved by me - if that means anything to you.

That'll Be Me

Called Virginia Blood Services yesterday to present an idea I had to them. My idea was to ask their permission to allow me to walk into donation centers every so often and personally thank donors while they are in the process of donating. Still working on that concept with them.

However, when you donate blood with Virginia Blood Services, within a few days after your donation, you receive a phone call with a recorded voice thanking you for your donation. The person on the recording is someone who directly benefited from your donation or has a relationship with someone else who has.

I told them how I was a regular platelet donor for 10 years prior to being diagnosed and then after being diagnosed, I was a recipient of platelets, plasma and whole blood. They asked if I would like to do one of the telephone recordings and as of this minute, we are working on the script and I will be making the recording in the next week or so.

I'm kind of tickled about it. It's an activity that will help me stay on the horse for awhile.

Another activity on the horizon....let's just say, "Poor Nurse Practitioner that is doing the bone marrow biopsy on Friday. She can't see what's coming." Just to calm your nerves, it won't be indecent, but will be very funny. As a matter of fact, I'm willing to bet no patient has ever done it before.

"Then The Day After That "

"And the candles in our hands
Will illuminate this land
If not tomorrow
Then the day after that
And the world that gives us pain
That fills our lives with fear
On the day after that
Will disappear
And the war we've fought to win
I promise you, we will win
If not tomorrow
Then the day after that
Or the day after that"
("Kiss of The Spider Woman"/John Kander and Fred Ebb)

So what happens the day after getting relatively good news from the doctor about your condition?

You toss aside some of the things you had been thinking about for awhile. Some of the things that you thought you may have to plan for.

You realize that there is a torrent of energy that was inside of you waiting to be released, but it was being suppressed by what you were focused on.

That to prevent the release of the energy is denying yourself, and the others that share the planet with you, of yourself.

You accept that everything could change again in a few months when you have the next round of tests and scans. However, you don't have to get of the horse until then.

You think of ways to torment the Nurse Practitioner who is going to perform a bone marrow biopsy on you at the end of the week. Remember, however, she's the one with the nasty drill bit-like needle in her hand while you are laying prone on the exam table.

There's other stuff that I'll post when I think of it.

Here's something that came out of yesterday. I was talking to one of the nurses about how I believe there is a gap I've observed in the process when one is diagnosed and then treated for cancer. There is time spent up front consulting with the doctor and other staff who prepare you for the treatment to come.

Then, one day you show up to the infusion room or the hospital for treatment. At that point, you have yet to meet the people who are going to be responsible for infusing poison (in the case of chemo) into your system. You would think that they might be a bit sadistic as they make a living doing exactly that. I'm here to tell you that is not their personality makeup. They are very kind and compassionate people who will do all they can to make it a comfortable experience for the patient.

How do we bridge that gap? I recommend the use of former patients who have established good relationships with the folks in the infusion/treatment areas. The former patient could introduce the new patient to those folks and ease the transition. I've offered myself to the folks at the clinic and the hospital to help with that.

If you as a new patient, or if you as a family member/friend of a new patient have not met the treatment staff in advance of your scheduled treatment, ask if there is a former patient who would be willing to introduce you. I'm making that another one of my missions in life. To establish "transition teams" as SOP for all clinics and hospitals. The thought is now out there. You can have it to use for your benefit.

It's a candle I'm placing in your hand.

"Perhaps I Can Help You With That Hump"

PET scans from last Tuesday have been reviewed (I actually looked at them on the screen. Amazing stuff). The lump that the surgeon noticed a few weeks ago shows no activity and the remaining scar tissue, that was the alien, is slightly smaller in size. The level of activity that was apparent in the November PET scan has reduced minimally - but still has reduced.

At this point, the oncologist with whom I met at MCV is of the opinion that we are in a "watch and wait" mode. What that means is that due to the continual trend of reduction of the size of the scar tissue and reduction of the glowing activity in the scar tissue, we will hold off on any surgery or radiation for now, pending the outcome of future scans and tests that are part of the regular follow up schedule. My next set of scans would occur in February/March.

My next "test" is a bone marrow biopsy that is scheduled for this Friday. The Nurse Practitioner, that administers the biopsy, and I get along just fine during the procedure so I have no anxiety about it at all. It's a difficult procedure for some folks, but I'm good with it.

So....I'm back at it full tilt. I may not even have to get re-immunized. I asked the doctor about it today and he said that autologous stem cell transplant patients typically don't require re-immunizations but that he would confirm if I needed them. Interesting. It makes sense that I wouldn't need them, but I'd rather confirm whether I need them or not.

Greg: "Let's go."

Them guys:"We can't"
Greg:"Why not?"
Them guys: "We're waiting on scans that glow." - with apologies to Samuel Beckett

















Heard from the hospital and I am scheduled for a meeting with the doctor on Monday at 10:30AM to discuss the scan results. When they call you and tell you that they want to meet with you, that can be a call that generates a "Oh #$%@" reaction. However, they did state that I wasn't to be concerned that the doctor wanted to meet with me.

They said that it was because he hadn't had a chance to review the scans yet and would do so in person on Monday.

I'll make peace with it over the weekend.

I'll get back to you Monday afternoon.

Nuthin' Yet

For your patience in waiting with me...


An 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, die in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to the wife's interest in health food.

When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite with Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed", the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.

"It's free," Peter replied, Remember, this is Heaven."

Next they went out back to see the championship golf course the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on Earth. The old man asked, "What are the green fees?"

"This is heaven," St. Peter replied. "You play for free."

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisine's of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man.

"Don't you understand yet?" St. Peter asked. "This is heaven. It's free!"

"Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods?" the old man asked timidly.

"That's the best part...you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven."

The old man looked at his wife and said, "You and your stupid bran muffins. I could have been here ten years ago!

PET Scan-Done

Finished with it this AM.

Now, just waiting for the results from the Doc.

I should receive that info tomorrow morning.

When they asked me prior to the scan if I was diabetic, I replied, "For at least a week after Christmas, I imagine most everyone is."

I promise to wait patiently for the phone call tomorrow.

Greg - 1, Polyps - 0

No polyps to cause concern in the colon as per yesterday's colonoscopy. They even said that I didn't need another one for 10 years.

While waiting for my ride to pick me up, I had a western omelet bagel at the bagel shop in the hospital. How great it was to eat again.

Seriously folks, I know the whole prep thing for a colonoscopy can be dramatic and exhausting for some folks. I did OK. Wasn't crazy about the initial taste of the Go Lytely, but I made peace with it after the 3rd glass. As far as the intended results of the beverage of choice, chemotherapy gives you a spectrum of bowel movement side effects, so the effects of the Go Lytely to me were "been there, done that."

What I want to say is, some of the drama that is associated with a colonoscopy can prevent others from getting this procedure if the stories of your own personal experience are presented in dramatic fashion. We don't need that. Please remember, your reactions to a medical procedure WILL differ from another person's reactions. I have friends, who have had colonoscopies in the past, that shared their stories. Their demographic is made up of a wide range of folks, from a male in his 20's to a female in her 70's. They recounted that it wasn't that awful of an experience. Funny, the most dramatic stories came from other acquaintances that were mostly healthy males who take pride in their physical appearance and work out regularly. Tough guys......

I was speaking to a nurse yesterday that has not had a colonoscopy because she's uncomfortable with her colleagues gazing at her backside. I promised her that I would tattle on her to some other doctors so they would motivate her to get a colonoscopy.

I went with the understanding that I would be "out of it" during the actual procedure. I wasn't. I was able to see the screen the whole time. It was a bit uncomfortable, but it really didn't last that long. Folks that I talked to afterwards, who have had the procedure and were out of it during the procedure, responded with, "Seriously, was it awful?" It wasn't the happiest ride in the park, but it wasn't the scariest thing that's ever happened either. The great news about not being out of it was that my recovery and release time was shortened. I was in and out (no pun intended) in less than 2 hours.

Again I will say it. I don't intend to minimize or trivialize anyone else's experience. I empathize if it was difficult for you. However, if yours wasn't all that bad, don't tell fish stories.

I really believe the most medical professional are altruistic and are guided by "Primum Non Nocere."

Wouldn't hurt to make it universal across humanity.

BONUS INFO:

1) It's cool to run into some of the caregivers I've met, in a setting other than the clinic or hospital, and have them say, "You look great." What's cool about it is the ability to look back at them and say, "It's all because of your work!"

2) I bought a bottle of wine today for a friend and got carded. That's really cool!


"And so this is Christmas
For weak and for strong
For rich and the poor ones
The world is so wrong
And so happy Christmas
For black and for white
For yellow and red ones
Let's stop all the fight" - John Lennon

See you next week sometime....

Powerful

A friend of mine told me yesterday about a family from my church that I know about, but with whom I am not acquainted.

In her freshman year of college, their daughter Lindsey was diagnosed with kidney cancer. You can read her story here.

Last weekend, they received news that their son, Robbie, suffered a stroke while living in Florida and he passed away on Monday of this week.

My friend passed on this comment: "Even now, Gail (the mother) states that in Robbie’s death, others will be experiencing Christmas miracles as his organs are being donated."

This family truly knows how to present their best gifts to the world. Even in the midst of their grief and tragedy.

Just Like Rasslin

Yesterday was a very active day with communication back and forth between myself and MCV.

The surgeon that I met with last week has, in addition to tomorrow's colonoscopy, ordered a PET scan and a unltrasound guided biopsy of the lump that he noticed last week.

I spoke to the oncologist at MCV later on in the day and he feels based on the details of last week's ultrasound of that lump, that there is no cause for concern and that in this case, "sometimes a lump, is just a lump," like the ones that are all over my body.

However, since I now have a history of NHL, the surgeon wants to check it out. If it were located elsewhere on my torso, it may not be so much of a big deal, but since it is near the lymph glands in my neck, hence his concern.

The PET scan is scheduled for the 29th and the biopsy is yet to be scheduled. Another effect these tests have is that my surgery for the 30th has been postponed. The reason for the postponement is not that the tests are taking up the short amount of time between now and then. Rather, it's because if the tests show that the lump is cancerous, then we would need to address it with treatment options, and the surgery would not be as high priority for now. When I heard that news, I was bummed out because I just want to get all this stuff over with. However, it may have been the perfect pill that I've been needing.

Prior to be notified that the surgery was being postponed, I was having a discussion with a friend about this stuff making me weary mentally. He replied, "Greg, you need to understand that everything you are being tested and scheduled for is preventive. None of these thing are because you HAVE cancer." Wise words.

After thinking about his words, I realized this is like them REAL live professional wrestling matches where the hero starts out strong, starts getting roughed up and then in a miracle finish, comes back to win the match in heroic fashion.

Guess it's time to step back into the ring. I promise you that I won't put on one of those silly ultratight spandex costumes.

"Wond'ring Aloud"

Picked up the "magic solution" for the colonoscopy prep on Saturday from the pharmacy.

The pharmacist told me that when they called it in for insurance company approval, the insurance company disagreed with the dosage amount. The pharmacist said she had to spend time convincing the insurance company that the dosage amount was correct and proper for my particular situation.

She said it was a very frustrating call.

So.....a colonoscopy is a procedure that could eventually prevent the payment thousands of dollars for the insurance company and they are fighting with the pharmacy over a difference of about 60 dollars worth of diagnostic medicine. If you work for an insurance company and can explain the logic of the conversation that the pharmacist had to have with the insurance company, I would appreciate your input.

I'm not disputing, I'm admitting my ignorance.

Trust me, I'm not excited about ingesting 4 liters of a solution that is intended to do what it does. However, if it saves grief down the road, "Thank you, please may I have another."

By the way, I may not be all that conversational tomorrow evening after 6PM and then Wednesday after 6AM.

"Wond'ring aloud --
will the years treat us well...
..And it's only the giving
that makes you what you are." - Jethro Tull

I Wish You....

I take walks through my neighborhood - usually in the morning after I wake up and before I go to work. I did that this morning.

I also walked tonight when I got home from work. Just as the snow started falling and dusting the ground and road surfaces. Just after people had turned their Christmas lights on for the night. Just as I put my headphones in my ears and started listening to one of my favorite Christmas albums on my IPod - "Christmas Adagios." It's a collection of "quiet" arrangements of familiar tunes. One of my favorites on the album is a version of "Amazing Grace" that blends into "Silent Night."

It was during that tune, while only a clarinet was carrying the tune, that I heard these words in my head:

"I wish you Christmas.

Not with resentment over the way you think a retailer wants you to observe Christmas.

But with the soul of a single parent who works a second job at that retailer to make extra money to wish their children Christmas.

Not with the pressure to find the perfect Christmas tree at the "cut your own" farm that will make the house smell just right and will fit in the room like it was designed for that space.

But with the joy of taking the cold air into your lungs and feeling it awaken parts of you that have laid dormant over the summer. Then, after seeing the tree in the middle of the field, wondering why even though others have cast eyes upon it, it was never chosen, though it is truly perfect.

Not with the solitary possession of the holiday as if it is yours to own.

But by being universal with distribution of grace that comes from knowing that the holiday has taken ownership of some secular traditions throughout the years, thus enhancing it's glory.

Not with the concern in hoping the Department of Transportation clears the highways of the fresh fallen snow so that you can finish your pre-Christmas day chores.

But with the wonder that in the total amount of the snowfall spread over the entire region, no two individual contributors to the wintry blanket are the same.

Not with the melancholy that follows the calendar day after, in mournful acceptance that Christmas is over.

But with the mirth of Christmas morning in knowing that you've received a booster shot of Christmas to carry you for the next year.

Not with the concern of selecting the perfect present.

But with the wisdom and peace of knowing you've presented your best gift.

I wish you Christmas."

Why Thank You, Doctor!

I did say that today, but not to a doctor. I said it to a radiologist who was doing an ultrasound of the lymph node areas around my neck. During the ultrasound, she also looked at my thyroid and while looking at it, she said, "Let it be known, you have a pretty thyroid!" There you go! Shame I can't post a picture of it here.

I've made peace with the surgery thing and understand the benefits of it vs. radiation. Radiation could cause some toxicity issues and do damage to surrounding organs (namely, intestines) that could be difficult. Surgery will require a portion of the small intestine to be removed, but the surgeon is assuring that it's not a real issue.

Everyone, doctors and nurses that I have talked to agree surgery is the best option.

I had made my mind up that if the surgery was able to be scheduled sooner than later (i.e. within the next week or two), I would consider it Providence and move ahead with it. As it is scheduled, I am scheduled for surgery on December 30 sometime most likely after mid-day. Then, I will be in the hospital for 3-5 days and then a recovery time at home of about 7-10 days.

In addition, the surgeon requested that I have a colonoscopy before the surgery and it is scheduled for December 23rd. So...we'll have that out of the way and I understand that there is lots of drinking the day before...so Merry Christmas!

The reason I had an ultrasound today is that while the surgeon was examining me, he had concern about a bump near my left clavicle. He ordered an ultrasound on it and it came back clean. What they were looking for was to see if there were any blood vessels feeding into the bump. If there were, that would be a bad sign. However, there weren't any blood vessels feeding it. He still may give a closer look at it before or during the surgery if it is still of concern at that time.

I do have several lumps like that all over my body. They have never shown cause for concern during any of the CT or CT/PET scans. I remember my maternal grandfather and an uncle on the same side of the family having their own personal collection of them. Crazy.

That's today in a digested form. I'm doing much better stress wise this evening than I have in awhile, but I'm sure the anxiety will start to perk upward over the next couple of weeks. A month from now, it's in the past.

I told my friend that went with me today, "This ain't what I bought a year ago."

"...Into the woods-
You have to grope,
But that's the way
You learn to cope.
Into the woods
To find there's hope
Of getting through the journey.

Into the woods-
Each time you go,
There's more to learn
Of what you know..."-Stephen Sondheim