"I Have Lived In The Darkness For So Long" *

Last Sunday evening as I watched the Super Bowl, early in the 3rd quarter I had no idea why the game had stopped, why the announcers had quit talking and why the lighting in the Superdome appeared different. As I continued to watch, it became clear as to what was going on. The lights came back on, the game resumed and America was once again the land of hope and promise.

This evening at 6:00PM, I turned to CNN to see if there was any more news about Ethan in Alabama. Instead, the second story of the hour was about how the lights went out at the Superdome and the pending investigation as to why. The delay in the investigation is partially attributed to the fact that Beyonce's people are not offering any input at this point.

I don't care. I really don't. The lights went out. They came back on. The game resumed. No one was hurt.

But there is suffering and gnashing of teeth over the power outage. In spite of that, I still don't care. 

Watching the halftime spectacle, I thought to myself, "So we saw the Sandy Hook kids paraded out in a feel good moment, and then Jennifer Hudson took over. Right now, who is saying to themselves, the Sandy Hook kids part of all this was the most amazing thing of the day?"  

During the last few years, I have caught myself getting choked up over things that emotionally affect me. I must confess that the appearance of the Sandy Hook kids didn't choke me up. It didn't because I felt they were being used. However, if during halftime, there would have not been a glitzy show but rather a statement made that instead of promoting someone who was doing just fine financially, the millions of dollars that would have been spent on the show would be directed to helping those who were outside the stadium wondering how they were going to keep the lights on at their house next month, feed their children, or pay their medical bills so they can continue to be treated, I would still be choked up as a result.

When I think of how other societies look at our society and feel rage towards us, I wonder if one reason is because of the lip service, but lack of action we pay to tragedy. 

"I was a-trembling, because I'd got to decide, forever, betwixt two things, and I knowed it. I studied a minute, sort of holding my breath, and then says to myself: 'All right, then, I'll GO to hell.' "
Adventures of Huckleberry Finn - Mark Twain


* From the musical, "Big River." Music and Lyrics by Roger Miller

"We Said It Before And We'll Say It Again"*

I've seen the movie "The Bucket List" with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson in it's entirety before. It was on TV again over the weekend. I watched the beginning of it this time and then got distracted to something else. That's how I roll sometimes.

This time, I really took issue with this part of the movie (forgive the commercial before the clip begins). While I think Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman give amazing performances, I don't really care for the inaccurate information in this part of the movie. Yes, although the Morgan Freeman character qualified that he was receiving a clinical trial treatment and also noted that different people have different reactions, it really wasn't a good, or necessarily accurate way to describe chemotherapy. As both men had different forms of cancer in the movie, the chemotherapy regimen would also be different.

Greg, relax, it's only a movie. True. But Oscar Wilde said it best in his 1889 essay,"The Decay of Lying." "Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life." 

I am concerned about how the general public obtains their knowledge of chemo and the impact of that knowledge on later decisions. I will admit, I feared chemo. However, I learned that if there was anyway possible that my reactions to chemo could be minimized, or even averted, the doctors and nurses were there with help. All I had to do was let them know I wasn't feeling well. I'm not saying everybody will have the same reactions, but I am not going the preach the gospel of "Fear The Chemo."

I will agree that chemotherapy is not the perfect method to treat cancer. However, it is the best method for certain cancers at this point in time. For myself, based on the location of the alien (nestled among my intestines), surgery and radiation was not an option I even wanted to consider, especially after I asked why they weren't an option. When I heard that a colostomy bag could be a potential permanent accessory if that route was even an option, I understood.

"Be careful, little tongues, what you say."

"Be careful, little ear, what you hear."


*Lyrics from, "This Was A Real Nice Clambake" from the musical, "Carousel" by Rodgers and Hammerstein.

"So Tell Me, What's In Store For You In 2013?"

That was a real question posed to me recently by my friend the other week.

I paused for a minute and responded, "You know, I do not make a lot of plans. I like seeing what comes my way and then seeing what kind of fun it turns into."

Had I known what was coming my way in October 2008, I would have worked hard to plan to avoid it. However, I can say there was fun involved. Some times, not so much, but overall, I have said it before (and forgive me for saying it again), it was the best time of my life in the span of the last 10-20 years of my life. And, it continues.

I realized today that 2013 just happens (not planned that way) to be the last full year that I will be considered in remission. In August of 2014 I will be considered as "cured". Beginning in 1974, I can tell you that the most memorable years in my life started that year and then took place every 5 years since that year. I won't list them here, but I can recite the events of those specific years. The last "big year" was 2009. Wait Greg, wasn't that the year you had a couple bone marrow biopsies, 3 single day chemo treatments, 3 chemo treatments that involved one day in the clinic + an overnight hospital stay, the stem cell transplantation chemo, countless platelet transfusions, immune system at a level that placed restrictions on you that you weren't really happy about, and the possibility of surgery that would have had you spending New Year's Eve in the hospital?

Yup, you are correct! 

I look back on 2009 with this view. My faith background speaks often of Heaven. My view of Heaven changed in 2009. In my earlier years, I regarded Heaven as the final reward to a well lived life. But there is a often recited prayer used in my background that contains the words, "Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven." With that said, that is why I consider 2009 a great year in the 5 year cycle. I glimpsed into heaven because of the people that surrounded me. Their work was the fulfillment of those words in the prayer.

That is my "plan" and prayer. To see that others get a glimpse into that same window that I did. Because there are glimpses of heaven here on earth, as it is in heaven. 

I do have plans for 2014 (the next year in the "5 year cycle"). Come back soon and I will fill you in. Trust me, it WILL involve a party!

And here's a hand, my trusty fierce,
And gie's a hand o' thine,
And we'll tak' a right guid willie-waught,
For auld lang syne.
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne.

"Now Ye Hear Of Endless Bliss"

Towards the end of Leroy Anderson's, "A Christmas Festival," (which you can listen to by clicking on the link) the lower brass of the orchestra begin the tune, "O Come All Ye Faithful," which is then "stolen" by the trumpet section. I say this because when we performed this piece in my high school band, I was a member of the lower brass section and resented that the trumpet section got to take over the melody that we had started rather majestically. When you listen to the piece in the link, you will hear it happen at 7:19 into the piece.

The photos above are "before and after" pictures of a pine tree that sprouted in my yard this summer. When I first noticed it, I immediately made plans for it at Christmas time (with apologies to Charles Schulz) and the photos above are those plans come to fruition. Until Christmas Eve, the tree appeared as you see it on the left. Yesterday afternoon, I added more decorations and the string of lights that now adorn it as you see in the picture on the right. And yes, my neighbors are not offended by my tackiness. Some of them even admitted their delight and approval.

I recently heard a Christmas sermon that spoke of the birth of the Christ child, but the sermon focused entirely on the fact that the birth of Jesus was necessary for the salvation of humanity. The message of the sermon was that until humanity accepts that, they are nothing.

I heard another Christmas message last night that also acknowledged the birth of Christ. That message gave humanity credit for knowing that because of the birth that was being celebrated, humanity knew how to pay the gift forward by being reminded of the enormity of the gift.

As the pictures of the tree above show, we can choose to remain burdened by the weight of inaccurate messages and thought. Or, knowing that there is strength in wherever our inherent goodness resides, we will allow ourselves to shine the light of goodness into the world without judgement or condemnation of those whose lights shine with less intensity, or do not shine at all.

Happy Holidays.

Title from John Mason Neale's lyrics to the tune of "In Dulci Jubilo."

"Repeat, Repeat, The Sounding Joy."

Some of you may have read this before. I feel the need to repost it.

         Give Christmas Away.

            Voices are ringing this year. They are at every pitch and every personality a voice can have. There are shouts, returned greetings, wishes followed by handshakes or hugs, all delivering the wishes of all the events and occasions that take place in this time at the start of the season of winter.

            Some of those voices have also been ringing with the dismay that the greeting of “Merry Christmas” has been replaced with “Happy Holidays.” A small town newspaper editor in the December 8, 2005 edition of his paper related, “We Americans are expected to respect the cultures, traditions, and practices of other nations and peoples, and rightfully so. But what about our culture, and our traditions, and our practices? “

            Who are “we?” Are “we” the Native Americans who inhabited this land before our Spanish and Anglo Saxon ancestors came here to explore? Are “we” the African Americans who were deposited here by descendants of “our” Anglo Saxon ancestors? Are “we” any of the immigrants who gazed upon the message held high by the Statue of Liberty in New York harbor?

            To feel that “we” are the ones being persecuted by not being made to feel comfortable in saying “Merry Christmas” is missing the entire foundation of the Christmas Holiday. If the observers of Christmas were to be true to the holiday, evergreens in houses would have to disappear (actually, some of “our” Puritan ancestors outlawed Christmas observances in the mid-1800’s in “our” country). The lights on “our” houses, the wrapping paper, the sending of Christmas cards were not part of the origin of Christmas. “We” have added all that.

            Maybe saying “Happy Holidays” does diminish the amount of times we get to say the word “Christmas.” Even the word, “Christmas” wasn’t used until several centuries after the event it commemorates. Its use came about from some of “our” ancestors trying to tie in the observance of the birth of Christ to existing festivals and holidays with origins in the Roman Empire. “Our” ancestors actually caused the existing observances of Saturnalia, Yule, and the flight of Oden to be diminished or eliminated by the evolution of the Christmas holiday.

            With all the compassion and joy that the Holidays observed in this time frame intend to generate, I will wish the appropriate greeting of “Merry Christmas,” “Happy Hanukah,” or “Joyous Kwanza,” when I know what greeting is appropriate. If I am not sure, I will wish “Happy Holidays” with the same compassion and joy. I don’t worry that Christmas will be taken away from me if I don’t say “Merry Christmas.” I don’t think Christmas is mine or “ours” to keep. I think Christmas is to be given away. Maybe it’s time to bring everyone together again.

I think, one day we will get to see the creator of this world. I believe when we see the creator, we will see a form like we never could have imagined. We will ask, “How did you come up with that?” The reply will be, “You could have done the same. I gave you all the ingredients.”

May Peace, Joy, Grace and Love be in your life from now until you meet the creator of this world. Happy Holidays.

Annoying Though It May Be

The sign in the picture above hangs above the doorway from the foyer to the kitchen in my house. When you enter the front door, it is directly straight ahead in the line of vision.

The sign was a gift to me by a friend soon after the arrival of "the alien." The reason she gave it to me is because the expression was one of my standard responses about what was taking place at the time. The reality was that I couldn't go back in time and prevent the diagnosis from happening. I accepted the diagnosis and moved on. 

However, my acceptance did not mean that I accepted that the alien possessed me. 

On the night that I was admitted to the hospital, my defense mechanism kicked in. Not by choice. My defense mechanism was humor. It was in force enough to make the nurse who was attending me that evening ask, "Mr. Frazee, do you understand what your diagnosis is?" I replied, "Absolutely, but what can I do about it right now?"

I was not skilled enough to consciously switch on the humor switch that night, but it came on, and once it came on, it stayed on. I recently  made a presentation entitled, 'Effective Patient Communication. Truths and "Wished I Would Haves" From My Alien Adventure.' I shared stories of some of my silliness from that time and some of the ideas I came up with later that I wished I would have done.

What ultimately happened, once the doctors and nurses accepted me as I was, is that I became more approachable for them and they didn't necessarily have to take the deep breath before entering the exam room and worry about, "How do I tell him this?" Instead, I like to think that before they came into the exam room with me in it, they asked themselves, "What is he going to do today?"

Yes, it was what it was. But, it wasn't acceptance. 

Instead, I like to think it turned into this:

"Truly charity has no limit; for the love of God has been poured into our hearts by His Spirit dwelling in each one of us, calling us to a life of devotion and inviting us to bloom in the garden where He has planted and directing us to radiate the beauty and spread the fragrance of His Providence." - St. Francis de Sales (1567-1622)

The Next Last Time

The next time I use this piece of luggage, I will be able to say that the last time I used it was for a trip to Ocean Isle Beach, NC from October 21-25. To prove it was there, I took this picture from the balcony of my hotel room with the Atlantic Ocean in the background (a day or so before Hurricane Sandy started affecting the waves).

The last time I used this piece of luggage, prior to the trip to Ocean Isle Beach, was when I loaded it to maximum capacity for my stay at the L'Hotel BMT at MCV in July/August 2009. I didn't really need to use this bag for the trip to Ocean Isle, but I did anyway. All said and done, it was perfect to take along because of all the many storage features it contains and as a result, almost everything fit in it vs. taking multiple smaller pieces of luggage.

The last time I was at Ocean Isle was well before "the alien" came to visit. I had been hankering to go to the beach while I was receiving treatment for "the alien," but just never had the opportunity to get there. Ocean Isle Beach is one of my favorites as it is not so congested and fall is a perfect season to go. And, with a view like the one below (another picture taken from the balcony of my hotel room), how can you resist?

It was great to be there and great to complete another circle that needed to be closed. I've learned it is important to do that.

Didn't draw one in the sand, though.