Tuesday, August 27, 2013

I Got No Scans In The Morning....

Was trying to figure out a witty way to complete the phrase using the word "moon," in association with a bone marrow biopsy (and paraphrasing, "I Got the Sun in the Morning" from "Annie Get Your Gun") but everything that came into my mind was slightly inappropriate, so I went with only the first part of the phrase.

Yesterday, I met with the folks at MCV for my routine annual exam with them. I also received my final immunizations and there is no more of that silliness left for me to do. Six separate shots. Not painful at all, but today, both of my arms feel like they have been punched pretty forcefully. That I can deal with.

Yesterday was the culmination of a devious plot I unhatched while standing at my kitchen counter early one Sunday morning a few weeks ago. At the time I thought to myself, "You know Greg, you are four years out. You are doing pretty well. If you had never been diagnosed with cancer, what would the protocol be for making that diagnosis if you were going to the doctor for the first time complaining of odd pains, discomfort, etc.?"

With my "extensive" knowledge of oncology, I deducted that I would be put through a battery of tests, including a few rounds of blood testing and only if there were anomalies present, I would have to have a CT scan, bone marrow biopsy and pulmonary function test. Since my health is reasonably good and I am not experiencing any of the symptoms that I remember all too well from 5 years ago, I questioned why I need to undergo the heavy duty testing for the remaining time left until I am considered "cured."

I thought ,"What the heck? I am going to present it to the doctor when I meet with him at MCV and see what he says."

When he got to the point of the examination where he asked, "Do you have any questions for me?", I proceeded to present my "theory."

I didn't even have to make the full presentation I had rehearsed oh so well. He asked me if I had any difficulty breathing during exercise or if during exercise I was unable to catch my breath. I explained that I did not have any of those difficulties. He then explained that for the type of cancer I had, the testing would not show anything until I was at an advanced stage and by then, the other symptoms of lower back pain and bloating would be present. He agreed that we would waive all of the remaining testing, but did recommend that we do a final CT scan next year. Year 5. "Cured" year.

I was pretty happy with myself for being the educated patient, but also happy that the big testing is done. I met lots of great people during those tests, but I am mentally over the testing.

Figuratively and literally, they are a pain in the......

Oh what the heck, " I got no scans in the morning and no more moons to drill."