Dear Newly Diagnosed Cancer Patient,
I am talking (actually writing) to you. Let's get the obvious out of the way first. Your new situation stinks. Really stinks. You are having to process the questions of "What," "How," "Why," "Where," and "When." You have no idea what to do next or who to talk to about what to do next. You've had a lot of information thrown at you in the first 24 hours but all you can retain is, "I have cancer." The fun is only starting.
I wish someone would have handed me a letter in the first 24 hours like the one I am intending to write you. If you are reading this on my blog, it may take a couple days to finish, but I will get to the point.
The very first thing I want to tell you is that you ARE NOT a cancer patient. You may hear that the word "survivor" now applies to you. It is used with the intent of letting you know that you didn't die at diagnosis. You will now have a plan to help you get rid of or keep the cancer in check. But how do you know what to do? How do you decide what to do? You will talk to lots of folks in the next few days. You will meet some great folks. I can tell you that they are in their chosen field so they can help others like yourself. That is what they knew to do when they decided this is what they wanted to do. Talk to them. If you are uncomfortable with them, that's OK. You can tell them so. The very first thing you need to do is to be comfortable with them. Even though you feel like you are placing your life in their hands, it is still your life. Even though you would like to hand over the reins to someone else for now, you can be in control of this. That is why I don't use the word "survivor." I challenge myself and throw and gentle challenge to you to use the word "aliver." With apologies to my regular blog readers, I will repeat that, to me, "aliver" means I am alive, intend to stay alive and by doing so, I can control my current circumstances.
Simply saying it, however, doesn't make it so. You will need to establish how you get there. You will also hear the phrase, "This is entirely about you." It doesn't mean you are attracting attention to yourself. It doesn't mean people now have to bow down to your requests. It simply means that all you have to focus on right now is getting well. The great thing is that you will be surrounded by a group of medical professionals who have the same focus. Your friends and family will also join in. I struggled with that phrase at the outset and some great folks explained to me what it meant. To the medical folks, it meant that if I allowed myself to show up to appointments and talk to them about what is going on with me, physically and emotionally, they would do all in their power to help me get well. To my friends and family, I simply had to tell that what was going on physically and emotionally (either verbally, or in my blog) so they would know what they could do. As the medical folks used their knowledge to treat me, friends and family used their knowledge and intuition to take care of me.
Once, when I vocalized to a friend how uncomfortable I was accepting the kindness of friends and family, she replied, "As the medical folks are treating you with medicine, we need to be able to do these things to administer our own form of medicine to help you get well. We want to be a part of it. So sit down and enjoy the ride." I did. As I look back on those days, I know there were some tough physical and emotional days in there, but the days that stand out, are the days that I knew I was being taken care of. Those were the days when I knew I was resting in the hands of God on earth. Allow yourself those same kind of days. Even though it is because of you that these actions are occurring, your gracious receipt of them makes it about the giver. A sweet Amish lady from South Central Virginia once told me, "A gift not accepted is a blessing denied."
For now, bask in the goodness that is waiting to surround you. Let it drench you. It is good medicine.
Now rest.....(see you soon).
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