Friday, December 31, 2010

Not As It Seems

Just got back from visiting a friend in the hospital. A year ago this time, I hadn't met her. Then, sometime in May of this year, some other friends of mine told me about her. She had been recently diagnosed with ovarian cancer and had to have intestinal surgery that required the use of a colostomy bag for some time. She had the intestinal surgery reversed in October as a result of the success of her chemotherapy treatments. Things were looking up for her.

She has been dealing with some intestinal issues since November and is back in the hospital again awaiting her doctor's return from vacation to discuss how to move ahead.

She was in the hospital the week before Christmas and had her heart set on being home for Christmas. Her wish came true and she was home for Christmas but is now in the hospital for New Years. She is heartbroken, a bit cranky and low in spirit. She had expectations of how far along she should be right now with her recovery and reality is not in sync with her calendar. She is going through a different sort of advent experience. One that is not joyful and full of hope.

That her advent experience is closely connected to 4 holidays (she listed Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years as holidays that have been "ruined" for her this year), is the reason that as of this writing, she is not a happy soul, emotionally. Her current mental state is counter to how I have come to know her.

The emotions of a cancer patient can be like an iceberg that even the patient can not see. There are realities that hide below the surface and when they surface and the light of day shines on them, they overwhelm the mental, and ultimately physical, well being of the patient.

With that said, I think of how the list of holidays mentioned have affected my friend. I fret about the pain and pressure that have been attached to single days that commemorate what should be a full time feeling. The fun of Halloween, the overwhelming gratefulness of Thanksgiving , the hope of Christmas and the promise of the New Year should not diminish the day after. I have heard (or perhaps have become sensitive to) "Now that Christmas is out of the way, I just want to rest," more often this year than ever. It pains me to hear it.

If we can continue the energy and shine the light of the holidays even brighter the day and days after, then maybe my friend will know she can focus on getting and being well. Then, every day that follows her recovery will be a celebration for her and for others like her.

Longing for the day that the spirit of the holidays is everlasting, is my advent experience. May we all bring it about.

"There is no ideal Christmas; only the one Christmas you decide to make as a reflection of your values, desires, affections, traditions." -- Bill McKibben

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