Getting The Brain To Catch Up

Yesterday was the official 6 month follow up visit with my oncologist. She had reviewed the scans from last week and her first words to me as she entered the examination room were, "Your scans came back all clear." My blood work for the day is in the normal ranges - them darn platelets are still about where they were when I was first diagnosed - still in the normal range - but no where near where they were during treatments. Left on the schedule for the 6 month "routine" is a pulmonary function test and.....the bone marrow biopsy (over that anxiety a long time ago).

We also discussed that my power port will be scheduled to be removed. The official date for its removal is August 8 at 9AM. It is an outpatient procedure which I can drive myself to and from and go to work afterwards. I'm sure there will be some physical limitations for a few days afterwards. So be it. I guess it will be the week of taking things out of me as the following Friday (August 12) is t he bone marrow biopsy.

Interesting thoughts about the removal of the port. When I completed treatments, I immediately asked how quickly we could remove it. "Let's leave it in a little while," the doctor replied. I wondered why and developed scenarios, but ultimately it was a wise decision on her part as I needed the IVIG infusions between    November 2009 and July 2010. Leaving it in another year just to make sure blood levels were holding up now makes sense.

However, now that it's removal is inevitable, I have mixed thoughts about it. Wasn't sure why at first, but I think I figured it out.

When I went home after the first chemo treatment, when I left the hospital after the stem cell transplant, when my parents went home after staying with me two weeks straight when I was released from the hospital, when I went back to work full time, when I made my first out of town trip following my "sabbatical", and when I stepped back on stage as part of a theatrical cast, there was anxiety. It was because I had to let go of some sort of lifeline that I had been holding onto. My body was ready for the increased independence, but the brain wasn't in sync quite yet. With time, I accepted the independence and took a deep swallow of "normal."

So it goes with the power port. It is the last official physical thing that connects me to the care I received. I'm contemplating asking if I can have it after it is removed. Not so much to frame and hang on the wall, but rather to display to others and remove some of cancer's mystique. Initially, I didn't like why I had it in me, and  I didn't even look at it. Now, I look at it, but I won't intentionally touch the area of my skin where it resides underneath. Only by the cleansing ability of the water and soap that ran over that area of my skin is why there isn't a layer of grime on my skin in that area. Once the removal incision heals, I'll give that area a good scrub.

Funny story about the port....During the recent show I was in, my final scene on stage involved my getting shot at on stage and as a result, my character collapsed and died on stage. I would fall on my right side -where the port is. I never gave thought that I would fall on the port as I always fell on my shoulder and hip. Until the night before I knew my Nurse Practitioner would be in the audience the next day. I asked her after the show if the thought, "I hope he didn't fall on his port," went through her mind.

I got a look.

If they let me keep it, look for a picture of it here soon afterwards.