On The TV Show...

..."Survivor," (which I don't watch), it's all about making it through challenges, tests, etc. to be the final one standing and to collect money.

Watched it once, I'm over it.

The word "survivor" has a different connotation to me these days. It's used to describe those who have been diagnosed, treated for cancer and are still living. It is often applied to an individual the minute they are diagnosed with cancer.

At Merriam-Webster.com, the word "survive" is defined as, "to continue to function or prosper."

I had a conversation with a breast cancer survivor a few weeks ago and she said, "I've never been real comfortable with the word 'survivor' as it applies to me. I don't think it describes me." I asked her why and she replied (and I paraphrase), "To me it implies that I'm just getting along. Nothing more."

I told her that I agreed. I told her that to me, it means that something has picked on me, was (is) in control of my actions, comings and goings, and I have to alter my life to accommodate that it was (is) in my life. NOTE: I'm putting the word "is" in parentheses because even though there are NO physical symptoms of cancer in my body at this point, I currently have to engage in certain activities (check ups, blood work, scans, etc.) for the next 4 years because there were physical realities of cancer in my body. Those activities define "is."

However, if "is" was how I defined myself, I would be a survivor. I would be "continuing to function" in spite of that what once was.

I am functioning, but there is more. That's why, when I presented at Camp Phoenix the other week, I introduced a supplement to the word survivor. To the other folks there, I suggested we call ourselves "alivers." To me it means that we are in control of that which is not normal that is residing in us. We are the ones making the choices being presented to us. It's empowering us to have the courage to engage in the difficult discussions with caregivers and those we ask to help in our decision process. It says that as a result of being in control, our discussions with our caregivers are open, complete and not over until we have accessed all of the information that is available. By being in control, our discussions with others, who are going through the process with us, are not adversarial, but are informative and productive.

Before I spoke to the two groups the other week, I asked my oncologist for her input on what I should say. She said, "Tell them your story and also tell them that if they aren't comfortable with anyone on their medical team, it's OK to speak up and say so." I respect her for many things and that statement is one of them. She gets it. She not only wants to treat and hopefully cure her patients, she wants them to be alive.

I told the folks at Camp Phoenix several stories about how I "misbehaved" during my treatments and other interactions with caregivers. I didn't consciously decide to do all of those things, they happened. The survival instinct in us says, "Show up." The "aliver" instinct says, "Show up to the party."

With that, I'll leave you with this. I saw it performed as part of a production entitled, "Blast," at The Kennedy Center several years ago. It makes me feel alive to watch it. Watch it. Be alive.