Several readers contacted me about the anxiety mentioned the other day. The source of that anxiety is gone. I brought the source into my life and I dealt with it. When I brought the source of anxiety into my life, I knew then I was taking a risk, but I put protections in place to allow myself to push it away and remove it from my life if needed. Even though it was overwhelming at times, I was in control of it. I knew that it was an unnatural event in my life and I knew that by the design of nature, it would be gone eventually. I was right.
That's what I learned from the cancer experience. You are in control at all times. That capacity exists within the human form. I once heard a pastor say, " God will complete his work through us and in spite of us." I have been critiqued for not being more out there about my spiritual beliefs and how they served me while going through the cancer experience. The source of my anxiety, mentioned in the previous paragraph, was very vocal and demonstrative in the practice of his spirituality. He is permitted to be. However, he did it in a way that turned people away. I once told him, "Sometimes, the demonstration of your faith needs to be experienced by others, rather than shouting it at them." In the end, I knew from experience that all would be well. I am at peace with my understanding of the order of the universe. I'm not saying that all things will turn out how you want them because you have a strong belief system. I'm saying that something ain't right, it won't continue to exist. That's my belief. Cancer ain't right. It still exists. Because others in the past believed cancer was not natural, they chose treatment, they chose to administer treatment, they chose to research treatment and we benefit from their decisions. I like to think that because of my decisions regarding treatment, others in the future will benefit from even more advanced treatment options.
In relation to yesterdays excerpt from "Peace Like A River," by Leif Enger, what I will be going back to is my cancer experience. I have been invited by a church in Harrisonburg VA, of which I was a former member, to speak to their combined Sunday School Class next week on September 12. They have asked me to share my experience and I will also tell them specifically how my faith background played a part in my reaction and actions. Some of them may not agree with some things I share. That's OK. That's the point of community gatherings; to exchange and share ideas.
In addition, I will be speaking at an event sponsored by the Richmond VA Oncology Nursing Society on September 18. The group will be made up of cancer patients, survivors (stay tuned for my take on the use of that word) and their caregivers. It will be a lighthearted romp through my cancer experience and what conclusions I have arrived at as a result of my approach to my diagnosis and course of treatment.
I will continually go back to my cancer experience (and other life experiences) as I sculpt my responses to future life experiences. I won't need to apologize to anyone if I make an incorrect decision that doesn't harm anyone but myself. I won't listen to unsolicited advice, but I will welcome your input if I engage you in a conversation.
I will continually give thanks for you because you read the blog and because you are most sincere in your demonstration of care for and about me. Because you are reading this, you are part of the group whose care I experienced.
To reconstruct a phrase often recited by Daniel Lawrence Whitney , "I don't care who you are, that's good stuff right there."
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