"I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like"- QUEEN
For the first time since the summer of 2008, I rode my bicycle today. The pictures are to show you where I was. At the corner of Huguenot and Stony Point Road in Richmond VA, there is a park with trails throughout. The entrance is hidden from the road (even though there is a sign indicating that the park does indeed exist). A few years ago, I read an article in the local paper about and went to explore. It really is a hidden gem. The pictures show that even though you may believe it is pretty secluded, at any one point in the park, you are less than a half mile away from a main road. The pictures were taken at the same location in the park. One is facing west and the other is facing east.
As I hopped on my bike and for some of the ride, there was some grieving on my part. I didn't have a big old bawl-fest, rather, I processed it internally. I remember once when my car was broken into over 20 years ago. Even though the intent of the perpetrator was to steal it, they were unsuccessful. They did manage to mess up the ignition switch, broke a rear window and made my passenger door lock non-functional. I had everything repaired, but after that, rather than everything working with just one key, I had three keys (one for the ignition, one for the driver door/trunk and one for the passenger door) because it was the most economical way to repair the car. My car was once again functional, but it wasn't the same.
That's what the today's grieving was about. As I am truly grateful to be a miracle (as one of the chemo nurses and a friend from church recently labeled me), I hate that there was a part of my life that was wasted by the diagnosis, treatment and killing of the alien. As it was with my car, something was taken away from me and I had to learn to accept what followed.
I will tell you that I don't regret meeting the people I've met over the last year and a half and without the vehicle of my diagnosis and treatment, I would have never met them. I would have never been "spoiled" by those who called, sent cards, sent e-mails, visited with me, sent and made meals, gave me rides, did my laundry, cleaned my house, made me laugh, went to chemo treatments with me, etc., etc. and so forth. I've been challenged by some folks to express where I believe God was in the process. I've known and told you since Day 1. Like I just did.
But, back to grieving. I'm learning it's part of the process. The way I processed it today was that I found myself with more energy to pedal through the trails than I had almost two years ago. I do believe I'm healthier than I was two years ago and these kind of events are helping me realize it.
There will be other events that will cause some grieving moments. For instance, I would like to appear in another theatrical production sometime soon. The last one was May 2008. If I am fortunate enough to be cast in a show, the first rehearsal or so could (or couldn't) be interesting. We'll see. But I know that once rehearsals get under way, I'll feel that same energy I felt on the bicycle today and like I felt on the escalator last week.
Another friend at church was telling me about a family member that was recently diagnosed with a form of lymphoma. She told me that he had sent out an e-mail detailing his diagnosis, but that for now he didn't want any phone calls, visits, etc. She said, "He didn't say anything about e-mails, so I sent a reply back to him." I told her she did good. But, I told her I understood what the other person was saying as I said the same thing in the early going. One needs time to process the information and then decide what and how they want to move forward. I told her that he might loosen up a bit once things settle down. His initial approach to his diagnosis reassured me that I wasn't being a jerk in the early days.
So maybe some of this stuff that I'm talking about and experiencing now is also within a "jerk free zone." If I come across as one, I don't mean to be. Again, not seeking pity, just helping you understand what goes on.
- It's that time of year.....
An elderly couple were driving through County Kerry, Ireland. Irene was driving when she got pulled over by two Gardai, one of whom asks her, 'Ma'am did you know that you were speeding?'
Irene turns to her husband, Mick and enquires, 'What did he say?'
Mick yells out, 'He says you were speeding!'
The Garda said, 'May I see your license, please ma'am?'
Irene, once again, turns to Mick and says, 'What did he say?'
Once more, Mick, shouts out, 'He wants to see your license!'
Irene gives the policeman her driving license.
The Garda retorts, 'I see you are from Kerry. I spent some time there once and had the worst date I have ever had.'
For the final time, Irene turns to Mick and asks, 'What did he say?'
Mick yells very loudly, 'He thinks he knows you!'
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