No Guarantees

Before you start reading, I will warn you that today's post is a contemplative one. The purpose of this blog is to share this journey with you. I take pride in knowing that I am pretty certain I have said and done things during all of this that are pretty innovative for a cancer patient. I know for a fact I have said things to the doctors and nurses that they have never heard come from the mouth of a cancer patient. Did I tell you I was proud of that? I am.

To get to the solution, one has to look at the problem and process it. Today's post is me sharing the problem with you. I'm not asking or expecting you to present me with a solution. I just want to share the process with you. If you don't feel you are up to it, that's OK. You may want to stop reading now.

Got a call yesterday from the folks in the hospital radiology department asking if I could reschedule the biopsy until Wednesday at 8AM. Must be something about scans/tests, etc. on Tuesdays lately. My only concern was that it would delay the results appointment that is scheduled with the doctor next Monday. Called the clinic office and found out that it would not delay the doctor appointment, so all is good there. The added bonuses were that as there is no food/drink after midnight on the day of the biopsy, the wait to eat or drink something won't be as bad on Wednesday as it was going to be today when the appointment was scheduled for 11:30AM. In addition, I got to talk to one of the cool people that was in attendance at my first biopsy last year and also for the port insertion and second biopsy. Had you told me a year ago that I would have 3 biopsies for cancer in a year's time.....

Speaking of a year, it is at this chronological point in the story of the alien that the "Ghosts of Cancer" have come to visit.

Last Saturday night as I headed home from Annapolis after dark, I was visited by the ghost of October 25, 2008. That was the last time that I drove on I-95 south of Washington DC after dark. It was two days before I was diagnosed.

Sunday, I moved the shirts that I wore this summer while I was at MCV, from my bedroom closet to another closet. I enjoyed wearing those shirts and they perked me up when I wore them. I was recognized in the bone marrow transplant unit for wearing those shirts. As I moved them, I associated them with less enjoyable days.

Yesterday, I went back to church for the first time since before I was admitted to the hospital and today I went back into the office wearing a tie for the first time since July 15.

Now that it has been over a year since I started the blog, I go back to the posts from last year to read them and note what I was doing at this time last year. I read that while I was anxious about what was ahead, I was convinced that I would make quick work of the alien and he would be gone and I would be partying with old and new friends to celebrate in the spring of this year.

I have never required medical care for a condition for this length of time ever in my life. The longer this lasts, the larger the ghost population becomes.

We know the story of "A Christmas Carol" and we know that Scrooge will be visited by 4 ghosts and the resolution will come. When Scrooge met the ghost of Jacob Marley, he wasn't sure what was to come next until Marley advised him there would be 3 more ghosts after his visit.

With cancer, there is no guarantee when and if the ghosts will end.

“An idea, like a ghost, must be spoken to a little before it will explain itself.” - Charles Dickens