Because of of the numbers 9/11, 2, 93, and 5 (i.e.Pentagon) that are associated with this day, it may seem a little odd that I am observing a bit of a celebration today. I am celebrating the number 50 as in day 50 of the 100 days of monitoring that follow the stem cell transplant. Halfway there!
My view on remembering sad occasions such as 9/11/01, passings of friends and family, tragic accidents, etc. is that grieving (not to be confused with mourning) is a vital part of the process. However, if a person stays in "grief-land," I'm concerned for them. One of the nurses at VA Cancer Institute said to me yesterday, "It was clear to all of us from Day 1 that you were not going to let your cancer beat you. You've had a good attitude the whole time." That was nice to hear from a pro. I had moments of grief early on and also during the process, but I haven't had any in awhile. Right now, it's more about moving on and some "what ifs" after the next set of scans which will be scheduled for November 2 and 3.
I see grief as a gift if it helps you stop in your tracks, assess the situation, and then move on with resolve as a result of processing that which made you grieve. I don't see moving on as denial or non-respect to the situation that made you grieve. I see it as honoring and carrying on the legacy that was left with you.
"Still, there's no denying that in some sense I 'feel better,' and with that comes at once a sort of shame, and a feeling that one is under a sort of obligation to cherish and foment and prolong one's unhappiness. I've read about that in books, but I never dreamed I should feel it myself, I'm sure H. wouldn't approve of it. She'd tell me not to be a fool. So I'm pretty certain, would God." "A Grief Observed" - C.S. Lewis
2 comments:
Any day with a good reason to celebrate is a good day (i.e. beating the alien)!
Congrats on "half-way" there! It's been quite a year.
I have always wanted to be cautious, though, about terms like "good attitude" and "fighting hard." Don't get me wrong, a good attitude and fighting are essential to getting through cancer. But some patients, no matter how great their attitude and how hard they fight, are simply not going to "beat" their cancer. There simply are not the particular medicines available to conquer their particular cancer cells. I don't want them to feel guilty because they think they just needed to have fought harder.
A sentiment a bit heavy for the blog but something I like to keep in mind.
But, nonetheless, keep fighting... you are doing great!
Lisa
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