I hope I never promised you that this blog would always be "flowers and chocolates." Some days, it's not going to be. One thing it will always be is honest. If I don't tell the truth in it, then it's not credible. When I started it, I did it for the purpose of telling you what was going on with me. It still exists for that purpose. However, as I continue with it, I hope that it helps you know how to respond to not only me, but to others fighting any significant medical issue.
A friend called me yesterday and said, "By your blog this week, I can tell you have been processing stuff." She was correct. I guess the whole schedule breaks down as 1) chemo week, 2) beat the side effects, 3) bloodwork to monitor platelets - get infused 4) start wondering if your platelet counts will delay further chemo 5) more bloodwork to monitor platelets - get another infusion 6) wonder what really is next - especially when the following week is a bone marrow biopsy, CT scan and PET scan.
Then you take a glance at the news and you hear "Wayman Tisdale has died from his two year bout with cancer." "Farrah Fawcett is dying from cancer." That's like saying someone died from something they ate. Did they eat cauliflower (I would die from that) or did they eat 5 pounds of leaves from a poisonous sumac tree? When a cancer patient hears that someone died of cancer, you ears perk up. Give me all the details when your report them, or don't bother to report them at all. I watched most of the Farrah Fawcett thing last night and fell asleep 45 minutes into it. I respect her courage, but all I heard last night was that she had liver cancer. Wasn't sure how that happened and was concerned because my NHL had metastasized into my liver and it was stage 4. My last scans showed the liver and spleen were clear, but still, you hear someone had liver cancer and your mind goes into warp speed. Wayman Tisdale died from bone cancer in his leg. The electronic news just couldn't seem to report that. I had to dig for that information.
One thing good from Farrah's special last night was it stated that "mental down time" was normal throughout the process. A person can have a bright outlook and the mindset of fighting their cancer, but they still have times when it gets weary and they can be a bit cranky. A friend of mine tells me she watches me go through that process and said I haven't failed to come out of it a bit wiser and a bit more resolved. She is one of two people I asked early in the process to be in a "sacred circle." I.E. they have the right to tell me, "You're right or you're wrong about that." Frankly, with this mental cycle, until the testing from next week is over and I hear the results, I don't know how chipper I will be. I'll deal with it and probably offer up a couple of "It's your problem" thoughts. Also included in next week is the next round of Pittsburgh Penguin playoff games (I only taunted one Washington Capitals fan and he admits he deserved it), getting to see some friends in a show they are currently performing, and a visit from some Carolina friends.
Enough of that.
Bo is at the beach this weekend with his parents celebrating scan reports from Thursday. His scans came back showing there is no new cancer growth. He will have to finish his treatment regimen, but there are no signs of new stuff to deal with.
Hunter spent a full day at school the other day, but is at a point where he may need to get some transfusions because of his blood counts. He gets to skip chemo treatments as a result, but still has to get accessed via a needle. His mother said he hasn't grasped that quite yet. It's tough for a little kid to get their head around that stuff. The responsibility of explaining that to a child falls to the parent. That's a tough job.
"You've been thinking that your fun is all through now.
(you shouldn't have lied now, you shouldn't have lied)
But you can come along with me,
cause we gotta a lot of things to do now.
(you shouldn't have lied now you shouldn't have lied)
And we'll have fun fun fun now that daddy took the T-bird away." - The Beach Boys
2 comments:
I'll be first today. First to tell you that mental down time is okay, first to tell you that a little pity is okay, first to tell you that it's okay to ask God why, first to tell you all that stuff is alright as long as you don't let it take over your life. Even a normal life (not that you've ever been "normal") has it's ups and downs, so why, when you're in the fight of your life should you not continue to have ups and downs? I would think there was REALLY something wrong with you if you didn't. As the old Husky fight song said..."we're gonna win this game another time"...we don't always win today, but we go on to win. Keep looking for those bright spots. They are everywhere. Love ya man!!
Good post today. Thanks for that.
Off to Japan on Monday, so make space for an Asian rock. Do you think they'd get mad if I took a rock from one of those fancy rock gardens???
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